lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
