some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
