oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
