I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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