I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
