I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
