butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
