He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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