Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
