Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
