I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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