SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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