Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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