More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
