youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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