she was so not down for the gang bang
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
