i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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