What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Drunk is not a location!
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
