Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
