As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
