so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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