Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
