hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
