come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
