Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
