she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
