Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
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I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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