Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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