Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
