Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
