Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
