Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
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