according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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