My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
