is your mom at the bar?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
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