I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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