Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
from now on my penis is your penis
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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