Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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