So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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