what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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