He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
