i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
How external is "for external use only"?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
