Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
