what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
