Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Drunk is a universal language darling
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
