i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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