woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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