please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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