i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
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they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
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You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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