I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize