Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
My penis needs a shock collar
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
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