Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
