You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
