i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
