If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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