Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Randomize
