I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
