They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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