allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
