Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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