I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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