my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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