listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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