remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
