I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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