Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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