And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
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There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
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He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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