garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
My vagina just clenched in fear
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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