Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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