Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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