Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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