she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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