FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
