I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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