Pregnant stripper...not hot.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
