i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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