my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
