is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
